Executions

Ben and Mitchell are buds.  Best buds.  If asked who their best friends are, they both claim each other are.  They usually play wonderfully together and come up with some pretty fantastically imaginative games to play.  Sometimes Jack is invited to join.  Sometimes not.

All it takes to mess up this relationship though is the addition of a third kid.  Suddenly, sides are being taken.  Good guy and bad guy roles get handed out.  Competitions begin.  Battle lines are drawn.

The boys had their adorable cousin staying with them all week and I began to here a lot about exclusions.  Two of them would gang up on the other one and loyalties were constantly changing.  I just couldn't keep up anymore and banished them to the basement to figure it out.

It did begin to get funny though as Mitchell tried to assimilate the new word "exclusion" into his vocabulary.  He kept coming to me, defeated, complaining that once again, Ben had executed him.  Poor kid.  He was executed repeatedly over the week.

Junkyard Wars: The Jet

Ben and Mitchell have a new obsession.  Remember that show Junkyard Wars from a few years back? The series where teams of people run around a junk yard, collecting bits and pieces to put together something, quite frankly, a little unbelievable?

Ben and Mitchell are fascinated.  And they think if only they had access to a junk yard, all their dreams of building, owning, and operating a jet powered trike would come true.  It looks so simple to them, and it gets their imaginations bursting at the seams.

Just a few nights ago, after school, it was dinner time and getting dark and chilly out.  Dinner was ready and getting cold, but I just couldn't bear to stop the boys from what they were doing.  They had emptied out the garage, finding stuff I didn't even know what in there, busily building a two-man jet.  They weren't quite finished adding improvements to it and were having the time of their lives.  This time, I let dinner get cold.  That's what a microwave is for.  They played until past dark.  But they built their jet.

Mission accomplished!

A New Way To Fight

Ah, summer... So much fun in so many ways, but so much time... together.  I like to try to insist my three boys NEVER fight or bicker, but somehow, I seem to be unsuccessful in my dream of peace and quiet so far...

Don't get me wrong, my boys are buds.  For the most part, they just love having each other around.  They share a lot of the same interests and when forced to choose between playing together more civilly or separating, they always choose to stay together.

But they bicker.  They push each other's buttons.  They pester.  Today, Ben even proclaimed, "Mom, one of the things that steals my joy is when Mitchell pesters me!  And also not being able to go to the pool..."

I thought I had seen all the ways they get at each other, but this afternoon, I witnessed a new one: they fought through drawing pictures.

As I came into the kitchen, they were right in the middle of a big fight with, yes, pictures!  Ben was drawing Mitchell crashing in his spaceship, to which Mitchell responded by scribbling Ben out of his picture.  Ben retaliated by putting a dress on Mitchell, which really got Mitchell mad so he drew dog poop on Ben's head.  Ben made a club list that he pointed out did NOT have Mitchell's name on it.  Mitchell can't write very well yet, so he just wrote Ben's name and scribbled all over it.

This went on for a while until Mitchell was drawing on Ben's arm and then ended up knocked to the floor.

Ah, summer... Guess we'll go to the pool after all!

Third Best Friend

How many best friends can one boy have?

Well, if you are my Ben, you attract a lot of best friends.  One of his strongest abilities is his ease in making friends.  He loves everyone and it seems everyone loves him as well.

I remember his kindergarten teacher last year telling me that she finally had to set up a rotation system during "circle time" so that enough kids got the chance to sit by him.  Too many arguments were erupting at story time.

This year, yet again, we have a brand new location, brand new school, brand new teacher, brand new friends, same old problem: too many kids want to be his best friend.

This was humorously pointed out at his birthday party last weekend.

I know it is not always done to open presents during the birthday party, but Ben insisted this be part of the "schedule" of his party, so the shirtless and soggy boys (shirtless and soggy from the fairly intense water fight they had) all crowded as close to Ben as possible, each shoving their presents in his face, encouraging him to "Open mine first, Ben!  You're going to LOVE it!"

The gifts were all perfect; just what a 7-year old boy dreams of: transformers, legos, light sabers, and spy gear.  He was quite pleased with the loot.

What really got to Matt and me though was one of the cards.  It read

"Dear Ben,
Happy Birthday
Your third friend
Jake"

When we saw that card, Matt and I just laughed.  I asked Jake what "third friend" meant and he clearly explained that although Mitchell is his "first best friend" and Luke is his "second best friend," he proudly boasted possessing the title of "third best friend!"

At this point, the other boys chimed in with their placings:

"Yeah!  I'm his 5th best friend!"

"I'm his 4th!"

"No you're not, I am!"

Clearly, they have all sorted this out before and most of them have no problem with their standings.  Each are pretty happy just to be in there somewhere.

Late Night Discussions

My boys stayed up later than Matt and I did last night. The excitement over their first sleep-over was just too high to wind down and I drifted off to sleep hearing them still going strong in their room.

Before I gave up trying to wait them out, I tiptoed down the hall to spy on them, just to make sure no one had a sleeping bag on their head or were sleeping naked or all the lights on with legos dumped everywhere. One quick peak told me they were obediently bundled in their sleeping bags, Ben and Mitch on either side of their buddy, lights off (besides flash lights and light sabers), and fully discussing some pretty important topics that needed straightening out:

Ben: Man, I really HATE zombies!

Mitchell: Yeah! Because they chop your heads off and eat your brains!

Jake: But zombies aren't even real!

Ben: Well, that's true.... But if they were real, I'd really HATE them!

Mitchell: Hey Jake! Did you know that people actually EAT brains? They do! Not people brains, but cow brains! And hearts too!

Jake: Yeah! And lungs too!

Ben & Mitchell: No!!! You can't eat lungs!!

Jake: Yes you can! I ate a chicken lung! It had a lot of air in it....

Ben & Mitchell: *laughing*

Ben: But ghosts are not real either even though kids at school think they are. Man, they are so wrong! DEAD wrong!

I sensed perhaps the conversation was going to circle back here, so I quietly walked back down the hall to report to Matt and we had a good chuckle at the important discussions of our boys.

Bouncing Off The Walls... Literally

Did you know a town can reschedule Halloween? Well, they can! They can, that is, if a freak October blizzard takes down half the town's trees and power lines and leaves it all piled in the roads while the residents move to hotels because they have no heat or electricity.

All that to say, we finally had our Halloween tonight, a week later! While I was originally annoyed that this whole thing was dragged out a whole extra week and tempted to just forget about trick-or-treating, I am glad we went. My boys just loved it and had such a great time!

Mitchell was an astronaut, Ben was Optimus Prime, and Jack was a kitty cat. He calls his costume his "kitty soup!" I assume he means "suit..."

We met up with Ben's best friend, Jake, and hit the streets. The big boys all stuck together and hit a record number of houses, running into a friend or teacher every other person or so. It was so much fun to actually run into so many familiar faces!

I brought the stroller to push Jack around in, hoping I could give him a lollipop or two and he'd just sit still and happy. Well, he was definitely happy with the candy, but it did not keep him in the stroller! He kept launching himself out of the stroller while it was still moving, tripping on his tail, rolling to a stop, then jumping up and running up to more adoring fans overjoyed to give him more "nummy treats."

Sometimes, a treat wasn't quite enough. More than once, I had to run up a sidewalk to retrieve my too-friendly toddler from someone's living room couch. He also kept trying to steal Halloween decorations: skeleton bones and skulls in the yard were his decoration of choice.

All the boys did great though. Jack was a handful keeping track of, but it was a fun atmosphere and was totally worth the effort of going.

But now, a couple hours later, Jack is literally bouncing off the furniture. He has been wrestling with a blanket on the couch for an entire movie. Occasionally, he bangs his head against the back of the couch a few times before covering himself back up with the blanket and kicking me repeatedly. Then he rolls off the couch, screams in laughter, climbs back up, and cannon balls into my lap. He is so wound up! I have never seen sugar effect any of my kids like this! It's incredible!

What a fun day. A day to pig out on candy, dress up silly, walk around laughing with all your friends, watch movies till late, and bash your head repeatedly against the couch.

Inventing New Words

For the most part, I think I am fairly honest with my kids' abilities. I think they are all intelligent and each one has areas they are a little ahead in, but I don't pretend any of them are geniuses or prodigies in any area.

That said, I think Ben has a talent for language. He spoke early, he was conversational early, he has been clearly understandable by all at an early age, he has an advanced vocabulary, and he rarely makes grammatical errors. If he does make a mistake, he only needs correction once and the mistake is rarely made a second time.

Mitchell is also intelligent and even speaks well and understandably, but doesn't posses quite the flair Ben does in this area. Because Ben has always spoken so properly, I can't recall any funny or cute mistakes that were a part of his vocabulary for a time.

Mitchell, however, has loads of them! Knowing that Ben might be above average in this area has really given me a patience and even a delight in Mitchell's "mistakes." He calls propellers "impellers." Cement mixers are "cemix makers," and he "sinks" sometimes instead of "thinks." For a time, anything risky, exciting, or dangerous was "whoa, denrious!"  The Land Before Time is "Land For Be Time," and he does things "all bury himself," rather than "all by himself."

These words of his, and countless others of the like, are cute, funny, and make me smile every time, and although I usually do correct him when he uses them, I am always hesitant to because of the humor and happiness they bring me.

Lately, his words are becoming more and more correct and I find myself missing his "mistakes," but there is a new word that he has come up with that is pretty funny and has been invented not out of incorrect pronunciation or mix-up of letters but a combination of two over-used words. His newly invented word is: "binlook!"

When he wants me to pay attention or see something he says, "binlook!" Do you get it? He has said "Ben, look!" so often that it has become one word meaning, "check this out!" and he uses it no matter who he is speaking to!

I like this word quite a bit. I like it because it's existence symbolizes how close my boys are to one another.

Sent from my iPhone

Another One Bites The Dust

Shortly after putting the boys to bed tonight, I heard a loud "pop" followed by a flood of tears. You might be wondering what they could choose as a bedtime snuggling toy that would make such a sound, but I didn't wonder at all; I knew exactly what it was and who was crying and why.

Ben is quite fond of balloons. He loves those giant balloons that have the rubber band attached to one end that you pound back and forth against your hand. He doesn't play with them in the traditional sense of the word, he draws faces on them and they become (for their extremely short life-span) his best friend. They get named, they sleep with him, and they wait in his breakfast chair for him while he's at school.

Now some of you don't like to get goldfish for your kids because they don't last long enough and you don't want your child getting upset by the death of a "pet." Well, balloons are even harder to keep "alive!" One time, his "best friend" landed on a box with some packing tape still stuck to it and when Ben tried to rescue him from the box, he popped. Ben wailed, "Oh no! I will miss Mr. Blue so much! He was my best friend!"

So tonight, when he took his new friend to bed with him, I didn't think much of it until I heard that terrible "pop" signifying the death of yet another great friend. Again, he was devastated, but decided that he maybe should not have tried to scratch off his face with his fingernail to re-draw him scarier.

My Ben can be so sensitive sometimes. It can really get on my nerves (like when his shoe falls off) and seem silly at times (like when his balloon pops), but on the whole, I am proud of his empathy and sympathy for others. He really has an ability far beyond his years to feel for other people and I am excited to find out how he uses that talent some day, once we conquer not crying over shoes unexpectedly falling off.

When Is It Ok to Fight?

Matt and I somewhat disagree on how our boys should handle disagreements and physical altercations with other kids.  Matt is pretty decided that if someone is rough with you or your brother, you get rough back.  I, as the mother (and the one who is likely there when it happens and actually has to defend my methods against the other kid and mother involved), have slightly different ideas as to how it should go down.  Actually, to be honest, I don't really have a good idea how it should be handled.  I'm still working on it.

I had better start working a bit harder on figuring out a game plan on this whole issue though.  Today, we had a bit of a fight at the park.  One of Ben's friends was upset at Ben so tried to turn Mitchell against him.  Ben, not used to Mitchell not wanting to play with him and choosing someone else over him, was beside himself.  He finally got to the point where he was physically holding Mitchell, with both arms around him, trying to keep him from following this other boy.  He just could not believe that Mitchell would pick someone else over him and leave him out.  His hurt feeling toward Mitchell over this turned to anger toward the other boy and I could see his anger brewing as he followed after the boys, telling Mitchell he was making poor decisions.  

I stepped in before things got any worse and actually left the park altogether, as I felt the boys and I needed the peace and quiet of our own  backyard, uninterrupted by any other kids or their moms to talk over what was happening.  Ben really was upset that he couldn't "win" Mitchell in this game of tug-of-war with his friend.  I reminded them both that, while they were allowed to have their own friends and didn't always have to play together, that they also were each other's best friends and they should always stick up for each other and not let any other kid come between them or make one of them upset like this.  

What would I have done if the fight had gotten more physical with the other boy - if Ben had decided he didn't want his little brother to be drug away from him and then told not to play with him anymore and started shoving or punching?  To be honest, I would have been happy to see Ben fighting for his brother in such a way and proud that he was brave enough to stand up to the other boy in this way, but also would have cringed at the sight of my little boy hitting someone.  Where does one draw the line?  What is OK to teach our little boys about standing up for oneself and one's brother?  Certainly, at some point, a little boy needs to be able to defend himself.  On the other hand, I don't encourage violence in any way.  

This incident has not helped me in any way.  I still have no game plan here.  I am still uncertain as to how to deal with the toughness training of little boys.  I am still working on it.

The good thing that came from today's skirmish is that the boys are in agreement as to how to handle this specific situation again.  They "talked it out" and decided that they will never play with another kid who is purposely trying to upset the other.  As soon as we got home, they were best friends again.  No harm done.  They had a taste of being pulled in opposite directions and didn't like it.  Oh, to be a young child again and not have any desire to form or inability to let go of a grudge.  I hope you two boys (and Jack someday too) remain able to "work things out" like this and always remain the best of friends.  Stand up for yourselves, stand up for each other, and we will figure out the specifics of what that actually means as we need to.  

Where Is Everyone?

This morning was a fun morning for us all.  We had two of the boys' favorite little buddies over for some noise and mess and craziness.  My thought on playdates is - the more the merrier!  We make a mess and a lot of noise anyways, why not add a little more volume to both?

Sometimes play dates can be overwhelming for one or more of the kids, especially if it runs into nap time, but today went perfectly.  All four boys played together and found things to do all together, which is rare.  I was even able to let them all play unsupervised in the boys' room for quite a while!  After a bit, I went up to check on them (they were being suspiciously quiet, and you know what that means) and when I opened the door, not only was it quiet, but Ben was the only boy in sight!  When I asked him where the other boys were he said, "Oh, I put them in the closet.  They were being naughty so I put them in there and shut the door and I won't let them out."  I peaked into this "jail" of Ben's and immediately got a chorus of complaints from the "prisoners," telling me to shut the door and stop messing up the game!  Now this is a game I like.  Ben takes over the discipline, four boys between 3 and 5 are very quiet, and I am not allowed to be around!  Perfect!  If only we could add a chubby baby boy into the game somehow...

It's Official: We love Chicago!

Well, we have been here about a year and a half and have found things we love and...well, don't quite love about Chicago.  We LOVE our friends and the city itself and our home and our neighborhood and our neighborhood Starbucks.  Basically, the only things we don't love are having no family close by and the weather, the weather, the weather!

We feel like this may be the final move in a long line of moves, but one never can tell for sure if one is basically willing to do it again so I haven't really felt like this is "home" yet.  But as of yesterday, thanks to a Cubs gear store across from Wrigley Field, we officially became Chicagoans!  Check out these handsome boys in their new hats!

Up until now, they have been anti-hats of any sort, but I told them these were special hats that not only keep the sun out of their eyes while out riding bikes, but extra special because it means we have lived here longer than anywhere else and it means this is a really special place to live.  

So thank you to everyone who helps make this a wonderful home for us!  

A Brotherly Pep Talk

Tomorrow is Saturday, which means another try at soccer.  Once again, Mitchell is all talk about all the "cool tricks" he is going to show the other kids on the field tomorrow.  He has been demonstrating all the silly spin moves and flying kicks and generally crazy moves he wants to show the other kids and coaches tomorrow (not sure what they have to do with soccer, but any show of energy is better than the cry-fest of last week!)

At dinner tonight, we were having a family discussion about soccer tomorrow and what is expected of each boy and how fun it will be, when Ben raised his hand and asked to be heard (one of the lovely habits he picked up in school this year.)  He asked if he and Mitchell could have some "alone time" so that he could find out why Mitchell cried so much last week and if he could "fix it for tomorrow."  I'm not sure what exactly they talked about, as they had to be alone to have this little pep talk, but it sure was cute to see Ben pull Mitch aside, put his arm around him and encourage him in quiet voices about the upcoming soccer practice.  They returned to us full of positivity that Mitchell would indeed play the game tomorrow and listen to his coaches, not make mommy play with him and run faster than all the other kids, "just like Ben does!"  Ben, you and your brother have a connection only best friends can have.