Another One Bites The Dust

Shortly after putting the boys to bed tonight, I heard a loud "pop" followed by a flood of tears. You might be wondering what they could choose as a bedtime snuggling toy that would make such a sound, but I didn't wonder at all; I knew exactly what it was and who was crying and why.

Ben is quite fond of balloons. He loves those giant balloons that have the rubber band attached to one end that you pound back and forth against your hand. He doesn't play with them in the traditional sense of the word, he draws faces on them and they become (for their extremely short life-span) his best friend. They get named, they sleep with him, and they wait in his breakfast chair for him while he's at school.

Now some of you don't like to get goldfish for your kids because they don't last long enough and you don't want your child getting upset by the death of a "pet." Well, balloons are even harder to keep "alive!" One time, his "best friend" landed on a box with some packing tape still stuck to it and when Ben tried to rescue him from the box, he popped. Ben wailed, "Oh no! I will miss Mr. Blue so much! He was my best friend!"

So tonight, when he took his new friend to bed with him, I didn't think much of it until I heard that terrible "pop" signifying the death of yet another great friend. Again, he was devastated, but decided that he maybe should not have tried to scratch off his face with his fingernail to re-draw him scarier.

My Ben can be so sensitive sometimes. It can really get on my nerves (like when his shoe falls off) and seem silly at times (like when his balloon pops), but on the whole, I am proud of his empathy and sympathy for others. He really has an ability far beyond his years to feel for other people and I am excited to find out how he uses that talent some day, once we conquer not crying over shoes unexpectedly falling off.

Shades of Honesty

Matt and I have always prided ourselves in our honesty with each other.  Do you like my hair this color?  No, not really.  How do you like this new dinner tonight?  Hmm... not my favorite.  What do you think of this top?  I really don't like it at all!  Should I go running in just my spandex shorts and no shirt (this one is Matt, not me, of course!)?  Not unless you want a lot of stares of the wrong kind!  Does this shirt go with these pants?  Are you crazy? 

We have always stood by the principle that a compliment isn't a true compliment if everything is a compliment.  If I always look incredible and my dinners are amazing and delicious 100% of the time, how do I ever know when it's actually true and when it is just flattery?  How can I learn to avoid those unflattering tops and never make that unfavorable crockpot goulash again?  

We both have done well under this seaming unkind but almost always smile, giggle, or at least eye-roll-inducing honesty.  I really do prefer to know the truth rather than never quite know if he is being honest or trying to spare my feelings.

But lately, I find myself wanting to re-examine and, perhaps, re-define our policy on honesty.  As my age increases, my youthful beauty and ability to handle less-than-positive remarks about it are decreasing, and I find myself thinking, "Did you really have to be quite that honest with me?  Really?  You think the reason we have no decent pictures of me at all is because I don't know how to wear make-up and I might benefit from false eyelashes?  Did that really have to be said and why are you so surprised that I prefer to read my book tonight instead of... well, other things?

I am sure I am just as guilty as he, or perhaps his skin has not begun to thin yet.  At least with physical appearance issues, as long as he doesn't begin to loose hair or gain extra pounds, he won't deal with problems like this for quite some time, if ever.  He will probably always wear his spandex for running and always think they look good, even in the decades to come, I suspect.  

Oh, Be Careful Little Mouth What You Say

I have heard that there are people out there who do not care what others think or say about them.  I have heard people say that they are unaffected by unkind words or critical comments or sarcastic remarks.  Do you actually exist, oh immune ones?  Perhaps.  If I had to guess, I'd say there are those who are less affected, but none that are 100% immune to  negative attention.

With that thought in mind, I have been giving some thought to how I talk to not only other adults, but even more so to my children.  Think about it: how do you feel after a rude gesture from a fellow motorist, a sarcastic comment from a spouse or friend that hit you just in the right spot at the wrong time, an insensitive remark from someone?  Maybe you are one of those whose back it rolls right off of.  I wish I was you (although if that is you, I am going to make a wild guess you struggle with sensitivity in other areas where you need it!)  I am fairly thick-skinned and resilient, but I struggle with handling this sort of thing with forgiveness and grace.  Certain interactions with others stick with me for longer than I care to hold on to them, infecting my thoughts and mood for a while.  

A recent experience with this got me thinking about how I speak to my kids.  Now I realize that I am the parent and they are the children and it isn't quite the same rules as between adults.  I am allowed, and even required, to speak to them with a bit more authority and sternness at times than I should speak to my friends, but do I ever stop to think how my words and looks and attitudes are making them feel?  Yes, they can do a good job ignoring (or, at least, pretending to) a grumpy or frustrated mommy's sarcastic or too loud remarks and demands, but are they really immune to them?  I doubt it.  We, as the parents of young children, are the most important people and influences in our children's lives.  Remember that!  Oh, be careful little [mommy] what you say!  Handle your child's feelings with care and don't let your frustrations or anger in life cloud your judgement and dull your ability to filter your speech and actions toward them!  I sometimes catch myself in the act of treating one of my boys unfairly or speaking to them in a way no adult would ever let me get away with.  How sad.  I vow to be more vigilant with myself and keep a tighter reign on my tongue, and to attempt to find the "teachable moment" in each situation where correction or sternness is required, rather than resorting to flippant sarcasm or immediate annoyance and negativity!