Feeling Unspecial

One of the draw-backs to not having all your kids in the same school is that sometimes, one of them has a day off when the other one doesn't. Today is one of those days. Ben is off, Mitchell is not.

Matt and I thought it would be fun and special for him to be able to go to work with daddy all day. He is old enough to be able to do this on a real work day. During the times when Matt has to get work done, Ben can read silently, play computer games, draw pictures, and hang out with co-workers easily.

I gave him the choice of staying home, sleeping in, staying in his jammies all morning, and watching some cartoons or going with dad. He immediately chose "go with dad!!!"

Mitchell chose that option as well. Poor guy. I had to explain to him that he couldn't go along because he still had school. He was just crushed. He moped around all day yesterday and then this morning, when Ben and Matt were getting ready, he just kinda slumped down, bordering on tears. (Real tears are a pretty big deal with Mitchell - very rare.)

He even ran up the driveway, following them as far as the street as they drove away, then just stood there watching for a few minutes.

He came back inside and said, "Mom? I'm special too! Howcome I don't get something so special like Ben?" I explained to him that although he was just as special to us, sometimes things are more special when things aren't exactly even - when it seems unfair. Sometimes, in order to understand when something is really special, you have to also know what it is like to feel... well, unspecial. He didn't get it. He is nothing if not stubborn - his thoughts and ideas are no exception.

I tried to make every day life a little more "special" for Mitchell today without buying him things and trying to make up for what Ben got to do. Someday it will be reversed and Mitchell will be the one getting special treatment. Perhaps then he will get it.

In the mean time, I've got a mopey little boy, waiting for his big brother and his dad to get home so he can stop feeling so left out.

Just Clearing Up A Few Things

Ben and I were discussing the differences between where and how daddy works and where and how I work. I think both my big boys are starting to notice that their mom is one of the only moms in their little world who doesn't leave the house to "work." All of his friends have nannies - we have a sitter who comes once a week at most.

So in an effort to explain to him our choices and sometimes sacrifices, I was listing all the "work" I actually do. I explained that daddy leaves the house, goes downtown, and works there. He makes money for us all and we take care of things at home. I started listing some of the things I do at home that really are "work" and not just fun, and when the list started getting too long (I just had to make myself look like a hard worker, even to a 5 year old!) he cut me off saying, "I think daddy has a really important job, that's why he only has one when you have so many!" He thought about it for a couple more seconds, then amended his statement: "Well, daddy has two jobs really - he works in his office and picks the boogies out of my nose!"

It's true. He is a booger-fighting machine!

Sometimes I Really Love The Smell of Shaving Cream

The one down side to Matt doing well at work is that he is gone a lot more.  I really can't complain as his success is what allows me to do what I love to do, which is stay home with my boys, but we sure do miss him when he is gone!  

I have had many years to get used to his traveling - first on my own, then with one baby, then with two little boys, now with three.  Although it isn't ideal, we have a system worked out and we get along just fine, but I still feel the same way I did when we were first starting out in our life together and he'd have to leave.  That first day is a killer!  It doesn't matter what time of day he leaves, even if he leaves at a time he'd normally be gone at work anyways.  I know he is gone and I get an unshakeable, sad feeling.  Kind of a nagging worrisome feeling that is there all day.  I am always surprised by this feeling and how strong it is every time because it doesn't seem to fit with me and my personality.  I really don't expect this from myself, but it happens every time.

In response to this "sadness" that comes upon me, I have begun doing some funny things, just to remind me of my missing husband.  I wear his boxers or t-shirt to bed.  I shave my legs with his shaving cream because it smells like him.  I drink an extra beer in honor of him (ok, that one I do for myself and my own sanity!), I sleep on his side of the bed, and sometimes wear one of his hats around all day.  I'm not sure any of these things make that first day less... "blue" for me, but I do them anyways.  

After that first day, I feel just fine again.  Sometimes we have a great time while he is away, doing special "mommy" things like movies in my bed or eating out at places Matt doesn't ever want to go to.  Other times are tough and I just need him home to help me with my crazy kids, but it is only that first day that produces the crazy, weird feeling in me.  I guess I just love my husband.