The Flasher

On the way home from church today, Ben was attempting to talk about Jack's class with him. After telling him all about what he learned and what he did, he began to question his little brother.

Jack, what did you do at church today?

I drink juice! I eat snack! Graham crackers!

Did you play with toys?

I play with toys! Tractor!

What else did you do?

I eat snack! I NEED snack! I want snack, mommy! I NEED it!

*here is where I had to get involved and distract him long enough for them to get past his constant "need" for food and back to the subject at hand*

So what else did you do, Jack?

I show my penis!

*pause*

This is when we all burst out laughing, especially the older boys. I seriously doubt he pulled his pants down and showed his privates, although I wouldn't put it past him. Certainly the teacher would have said something. I do wonder what his train of thought was though that led him to say this. Whatever it was, it was funny.

I'm Not With Him

You know that annoying person who forgets to turn their phone off at the movies or at church or some such place? When their phone starts playing some obnoxious tune like "California Girls" or any other Katy Perry song, do you turn around and look for the offender? (As if we didn't have to listen to her enough everywhere else!) Do you give them the evil eye or ignore them?

Well, today at church, that annoying person was my husband. Right in the middle of the service, we both heard a muffled song near bye and started looking around. It only took a couple seconds though for Matt to recognize the song and start scrambling for his phone in his pants pocket. In his attempts to get to the thing, he spilled his coffee on his crotch, but in his fumbling to get it to stop, only made it louder! He finally just stood up and got outta there as quickly as he could. It wasn't quite quick enough though to spare us all the song that somehow began playing in his pocket. This is what we were all treated to mid-service:

Well I stumble my way into my local bar.
Where I saw the devil in my glass.
The bartender told me it was time to go.
I told him that he could lick my sack.

Whiskey's gone but I ain't leaving.
There's got to be a bottle in the back.
Whiskey's gone but I ain't leaving.
Got to get this devil off my back.

Thank you, Zac Brown Band, for your classy and eloquent words. Thank you, Matt, for downloading them onto your phone. Thanks again, Matt, for sharing them with us all at such an appropriate time and place.

I love how he took off out of the service as fast as he could, leaving me there with the spilled coffee and an equal mix of snickering and evil eye. If I wasn't too embarrassed to find my voice, I may have said, "I'm not with him!"