Farewell To Football, Late Nights, and Port-a-potties!

Ben's last football game was last weekend. It's funny; it sorta snuck up on him. When I told him about a month ago that we were almost done with football for this year, he said, "What? Why is it over? We don't just keep playing all year long?"

Oh man... as much as I loved having him play, I can't imagine doing this all year long! Ben and I jumped into this with both feet, not quite expecting so many hours spent at practice every week. Ben was great though, and I dealt with it. He loved it. What a great outlet for him to play rough and play like a big boy should!

As proud as I am of Ben and all the progress he made, I have to give Mitchell and Jack some props too. Every hour Ben spent at practice, the other two boys spent there with him. They ate many dinners on the ground and got more bug bites than I could count. They dug giant holes in the dirt and filled their socks with sand to use as sand bombs. I wish I had a way to measure how much dirt we took home from that park. Mitchell learned the hard way that when you refuse to use the clean, flushable toilet at home, you are forced to use the "stinky toilet with no flusher" while trying to hold your breath, not look into the deep hole, and not touch anything all at the same time. They both made friends and ate a lot of ice cream from the ever-present ice cream truck. Way to be so adaptable and be there for your big brother, little guys!

I Need Some Rules!

The last couple weeks have really pointed out to me how rule-oriented Ben is. He really finds comfort and freedom in a certain amount of structure.

He has jumped into Pop Warner football with both feet. He has had practice every weeknight and a couple weekend days from 6-8 every evening. He was a little lost at first, especially the first week when he was practicing with all the big boys, but now that his team has been formed and he is familiar with the coaches and drills and kids, he is having fun. He knows where to go and what to do, even if he is still a little fuzzy on the exact rules of the game (I feel the same way about the rules of football, to be honest.)

Now that he is comfortable at practice, I have been encouraging him to play with his team-mates before and after practice as they run around chasing each other, tackling each other, and playing their own crazy game of football. At first, he didn't know anyone so he was a little hesitant because of that. I can understand that. But now that it has been a couple weeks, he no longer has that as an excuse, so I wouldn't take that excuse from him this evening. I gave him a smile and a shove and a word of encouragement and he walked over to the group of boys like a man walking to his death.

When he got to the boys, he had no idea what to do. They were clearly not playing by any rules, just goofing around, so Ben didn't know his place. As they ran off chasing the boy with the ball, Ben stayed frozen to the spot, looking around worried, like he had no idea what was expected of him.

As I battled my feelings of protectiveness for my lost little boy and annoyance at him for not jumping in and figuring it out as he went, I realized that his love of structure and rules works out perfectly for practice and drilling. He is always where he needs to be doing what he is told; never goofing around; never out of line. He never has to run extra laps like so many of the other boys constantly do because they aren't paying attention.

His need for rules doesn't quite help him out though when there are no rules. When no one is in charge and no one has told him the rules of the game, he is totally lost. I could just see him standing there waiting for one of the boys to say, "Ben, chase me! Come get me!" But no one knew he needed that, so he stood there waiting for the coach to show up.

I don't know what to do to encourage him in this area, as I was exactly the same way as a child (and still pretty much am.) I have never been able to just "jump in" to a group and act like I know what I'm doing either. I need someone to tell me exactly what my part is and how to do it, then I'm good to go. I don't want Ben to be an outsider though. I love his focus during practice but want him to let loose at the appropriate time.

Any suggestions how to get him to move out of his comfort zone here? Everything I say seems to just upset him and I don't want to enforce his hesitancy by making too big a deal out of it. Should I just let him sit by me until practice starts, or should I find a way to get him to play with the other boys?